I GO FORMAL
The peaches are local but they aren’t ripe.
She stops me to ask what pearls are made of.
She thinks it’s oyster shit but I guess some kind of calcium
and keep slicing, orbiting the knife round the hard pits.
She stops me to ask what pearls are made of.
Grains of sand, maybe, trapped until they fester properly.
I keep slicing, orbiting the knife round the hard pits,
sawing into the red grooves beneath too-pale flesh.
Grains of sand, maybe, trapped until they fester properly,
but now she wonders why we string contagion round our necks.
Sawing into the red grooves beneath too-pale flesh
I have little patience for philosophy, the purpose of pearls,
but now she wonders why we string contagion round our necks.
Because we love what does not happen often enough, even infection.
I have little patience for philosophy, the purpose of pearls
not as captivating as the pile of red pits bleeding into my cutting board.
Because we love what does not happen often enough, even infection,
she thinks it’s oyster shit but I guess some kind of calcium
not as captivating as the pile of red pits bleeding into my cutting board.
The peaches are local but they aren’t ripe.
...
Comments
Your's is much better. When you have lines worth repeating, well, they're...worth repeating.
I didn't follow any format; I would like to try to start exploring traditional forms, though.
My poem would very much like some constructive criticism, if you could spare any!
Sorry. I just love your car.
You're right, this poem is a LOT different than your typical writing...way to branch out! And I don't even know what a pontoum is!